Admittance.

It's as if my mind is the most fickle of my organs. I find out what it is i want, and as easily as the wind changing direction, I change my mind. At first I thought I could continue, and then I realized that that would be an impossibility. I crave what was once previously mine, a desire that sickens me. What my social self wants is to climb new hills, broaden my own horizon. What my private self wants, the one that matters, is to revert back to when I knew I was happy.

My feelings don't want to take a chance. They find what is comfortable with them, and they make sure I know it. I can't win with them, no matter how hard I try. They reject new goals, they avoid what could bring me true happiness. I just wish I had control over them, so that the glee I deserve could finally reach me.

Although I respect myself, and know the path I have chosen as a human being is a respectable one, I sometimes wish I could walk in someone elses shoes. I want to not be afraid of putting my feelings before someone elses. I want to take advantage of someone. I want to feel in control, and desired. I want to feel like someone needs me, the way I feel like I need them.